The Rules

I typically appreciate the kind and well-intentioned folks who line me up – after all, they are just trying to help. I’ve learned though, from sad experience, that I must establish rules for these people – not so much about WHO they line me up with, but to attempt to govern THEIR behavior.

Despite the fact that they are only lining the two of us up because we're both single and not because they think that we are a good match, people still go all crazy in these situations and it ruins my friendships with them – they get frustrated and even annoyed with me if I don’t like the guy (the worst was the woman who lined me up with the moon boot boy); some try to insert themselves into the process (acting as a very unnecessary go-between: “He said this . . .,” “She said this . . .” “You should do this . . .”); and, some think they are entitled to know the details of the dates (I was once told, “I lined you up. I have a right to know if you kissed.”)

Hence, The Rules:

1. You must e-mail him a picture of me first (there’s really no point to wasting his money if he thinks I’m unattractive – I’m convinced that even the most charming girl – which I am not – cannot win a man’s heart if he thinks she isn’t pretty) and, if he is interested in a date, you will give him my e-mail or my phone number.
2. You will do NOTHING more – you are not allowed to insert yourself at any point after this. You have no “Rights” here. None.
3. You must not ask questions or try to “help.” However, as a thank you to you for your kindness, I will tell you if I had a nice time on the first date. That is all.
4. Most importantly, you will give me your word to not be mad at me or him if things don’t work out.
5. If you break any of these rules, you are never allowed to line me up again (admittedly not a grave punishment, but an important control point for me – I only have so many friends).
6. If you actually find Mr. Right for me, well . . . there will be an excellent prize for you - and, I typically try to give really great prizes, so you should assume this most monumental of achievements will merit a rather spectacular prize.

Simple rules, right? And, in my mind, very reasonable. And, yet – so few actually follow them. Steps 2-4 are so challenging for folks. And, as for #6 . . . stay tuned for my next post.