If you can’t say something nice . . .

As I’ve conducted some electronic employee surveys at work, I’ve noticed that when under the cloak of anonymity, people will make some amazingly caustic comments and pointed accusations - things they would never dare say to someone’s face or even in an e-mail. Many of these folks feel a wrong needs to be righted, so they feel justified. While I don’t agree with the approach, I guess I can understand it.

The relative anonymity of online dating seems to have a similar effect. People seem to forget all the rules of civility and say whatever they want. I suppose the rationale here would be that, despite the fact that there are pictures of the people with whom they are communicating; they are still just typing little black letters into a white space and clicking “enter.” Thing is, those little black letters form words that have meaning, and that meaning arrives in another little white space where a real person with real feelings absorbs it. This unkindness, I cannot understand.

There are even some blind dates who act as if somehow the same “anonymity protection” applies to them too, and many of them say WHATEVER is on their mind. This completely baffles me. Do they realize I’m sitting right next to them? Maybe I should be thicker-skinned. You be the judge . . .

Here are my top 5 least favorite things for online dudes or blind dates to say to me - all of which have been sent my way or said to my face on multiple occasions:

Wow – 37 and never married. So, what’s wrong with you?

Response: “Uhhh . . . first of all, I’m 27 (in my mind anyway). Now, let me see if I understand - you want me to catalog all my flaws for you? Seems an odd place to start, but ok. How long have you got?

Alternate response: “This question implies that either I am more flawed than all those who are married or that all married people HAVE no flaws. Which did you mean?”

Why aren’t you married?

Response: “Well, if I knew the answer to that, don’t you think I’d solve it and get married?”

Alternate Response: "Why aren't YOU married?"

Six brothers?!! Good grief, no wonder you’re not married; how intimidating.

Response: “Wait until you see them in person. Any one of them could take you in about 5 seconds, little pansy boy.” (Don’t worry, Mom – I didn’t’ really say that.)

Umm, you’re kinda getting old. Can you still have kids?

Response: “Who ARE you?"

So – you must be pretty picky since you haven’t found someone good enough to marry yet. What exactly IS it you’re expecting in a guy? I’ll bet it’s money.

Response: “Yep! I’ve been gambling my eternal happiness to hold out for someone who can buy me things that I can’t take with me. How clever of you - you guessed it.”

Perhaps these “men” did not have the benefit of a mother whose training arsenal included introducing their mouths to soap. My mother’s did. It only took once.

(Please note- I don’t typically deliver any of the above responses when confronted with these insensitive remarks, however sorely I am tempted. I usually just laugh and say something silly. There, Mom. Feel better now?)